this is our band: as bands shift their sound to lock in with the maturation of their fans and those fans begin to mature beyond what those bands have the ability to create, here we are still doing the only thing we know how to do. from the outside looking in it seems that your taste in life is mapped out for you in the same sort of way our greedy politicians map the mindset of this great nation’s older generations. it makes me sick to think about but it’s not my problem if as listeners, artists, and as a people in general most of you aren’t intelligent enough to think for yourself. in my later years i seem to be finding ways to ignore this nonsense rather than get all worked up about it as the melody shift in the second verse is intended to imply, and though you may be under the impression that we think the same i assure you it is only a phase and you will soon grow out of it. the day i lose my integrity is the day i die and i would rather castrate myself than peddle my art as if it was some corporate business and my words and/or sounds were thought out like a business plan. you all make me sick because it is you that has destroyed rock and roll, you buy in because you’re the pigs the factory has created and even though you will never admit it, it haunts you every minute of every single day. i’m not going to sit here and tell you that reality is our only goal because that is apparent and i don’t need to tell you how good we are because you can obviously hear. welcome to honesty in the modern world.
it’s nice to meet you, that’s my name too
a face to remember to forget about soon
we could’ve been your favorite band
could’ve been the black hole in your head
they’re all the same you know
but i’m here, i’m waiting, and i’m watching you…
it’s nice to meet you, that’s my head too
we can’t let the monsters pick and choose
we could’ve been your favorite band
could’ve been my reason to live again
i’m in your head.
this is our sound: from the day i was born i was force fed ramones, beatles, and buzzcocks because i was lucky enough to have a father who was down. shortly after hitting double digits nirvana changed the world thus fucking up beyond repair this already inquisitive child who was starting to realize that rock and roll was the only thing that really mattered. i’ve been playing in bands since i was in 6th grade and i played in countless imaginary bands for years before that so i’ve had plenty of time to work this grudge i carry today. the beauty of writing and playing music for so long is that i have a decent grasp of how much bullshit floods the big picture and how much bullshit funds the flood. as a label chances are you are actively out there looking for the next big thing and i completely understand, this is america and “it’s business” as one of my old managers who is one of the biggest pieces of shit i have ever met would say on the regular. this song is nothing but a vehicle for me to tell you how much i don’t respect you. i understand you probably have a life you are proud of outside of the “industry” but i feel like i would be doing you a severe injustice if i was to not tell you much of a joke i think you are, but the joke is on me right? you have money and i’m a bum living in someone’s basement, typing this on a laptop that barely functions at a windows 95 level so in a way i guess you’re right. i live each day trying to make up for years crushing the wrong path and now with my back against the wall i’m trying to figure out just who i am and what it means to truly be alive while you live the life of the hip music guy who is “in the know” yet all your inspiration can be traced back to the psychopathic practices of walmart… you should be proud of yourself. some may say that writing shit like this is just going to make it harder for me and my art to well but if you know me, that’s the story of my life. my grandfather called me “mouth” and always said that the shit i say would get me in trouble someday, man do i miss him and fuck, do i hope he was right. i’m spending the rest of my life trying to find my own way in this world, i will find away around your soulless american dream and when i do you’re all going to look really, really stupid.
i’ve been spending my whole life waiting for you to call
i’ve never been that good, but i’m ok
i’ve been spending my best nights screaming, hoping you’ll hear
i’ve never had the sound but i’m still down
i’ve been learning to crawl, taking fewer steps towards the bar
i know those simple ears are hard to please
i’ve been learning to count on nothing but counting me out
i’ll cut this nose to spite but what else is new, right?
i’ve been trying to slow down, breaking every rule that i’ve found
still trying to make a fool out of all of you
i’ve been wasting your time for years but now i feel like you’re wasting mine
i feel like i’m wasted.
move this: i’ve spent every minute of my worthless life chasing the sounds in my head. it might not seem like a big deal but sometimes it’s hard to feel comfortable in public playing drums on my chest while humming what will soon be guitar riffs over it all. to be honest, what people think of me upon first notice is exactly what i am. this monster was created from manipulation and every problem a result of realizing every dream he’s ever chased up until this point has existed within an empty box which has been constructed to benefit the system’s keepers, though i guess some of us are raised to enjoy it’s contents as well. a quiet mind and an answer for every question life could possibly throw at you are nice for the simple but those of us who are a little more complex will require more proof than the box is designed to provide. most days it’s hard not to feel like a science experiment being pushed and poked from every possible angle just to see where i’ll end up and if they can use me for something. to say i hate you for this would be letting you off easy and though i will never forgive you, i am fully prepared to forget about you for the rest of my time here. my uncle and i were recently discussing our family and our constant battle with OCD. we tend to get into things real hard and then drop them completely after we feel like we’ve exhausted them to the fullest. the conclusion we arrived at was that it doesn’t matter to us what others think about our interests as long as we have convinced ourselves that we are the best at whatever it may be that we’re currently hung up on, and if we aren’t do we at least have the ability to manipulate others into thinking that we are. in the end i’ve realized that the most important skill a man can have is his ability to make friends and find the good in the differences between us because those differences are what makes this earth a special place. your system sucks the self from the best of us but your world can’t have me. i only hate because i love so much and i hope this world eats you alive.
i’ve sold my old weight in smiles
crushed the road and crawled a thousand miles
now that you’re here i’ll watch you die
feed the earth, i’m going to make you feel the way you’ve made me feel
i tried to find myself but you looked away
i’ll never forgive you for what you’ve done
and don’t ask for me to stay because i don’t think i could
i want the time to crawl on you like the time flew by for me
i’d pick a million roses to pick a million noses
and it’s a popular trend but i was never your friend.
don’t live: ok, you got me good but the cat’s out of the bag. i’ve got to figure out a way to be my own man without pissing on other’s abilities to do the same but the alternative routes people take against your soul corruption are inspired by the same fascist roots that sprouted this mess. your plastic “moral” structure is pushed by actors, whom make a living of lying. you champion these clowns as heros so the people of this great nation will adopt similar moral codes, convienient when it comes to election time eh? “oh my god, this person thinks just like me!” says the sheep as you’ve taught them to speak, or how to make sounds that resemble our language of choice but like an asshole you’ve forgot to program them with the ability to reason. it took some guts for me to abandon the “real world” but i have to say life is a lot better when you spend your days alive. i know you don’t want people like me here as you see my way of thinking as a threat to your job security but i love this country and it’s people far too much to just fall into line and watch you kill them from the inside out. i just want you to know that i love for the sake of loving and i know that you know that i know that you push loving out of fear only. i’ve been fortunate enough to meet lots of great people and lucky enough to have found support from some who think i have something to offer but the truth is that like socrates and op ivy, “all i know is that i don’t know nothing and that’s fine.”
hello world, i’ve got a life and i see what the pigs are selling
i try to live below but above the shit who’s scene i’m smelling still
you’ve got to make this war your own
like jesus said per ronnie “my love is ready to go”
hello world, i’ve got a home and i see what your money’s missing
i try to live with soul but not the soul they want existing here
you’ve got to make this war your own
like jesus said per ronnie “my love is ready to go”
you hang around like i’m someone
but i’ve never found just who i am
you’re a loser: in a sick world the real will find the real. i just want you to know that the day we met you unexpectedly changed my life. when you’re around i know i can joke, i can be dead serious, and i can just be. i have a severe problem with people not seeing me for who i am, it’s honestly pushed me to the point of death multiple times but you see people for who they really are. like me you aren’t afraid to judge a book by it’s cover, it’s a defense mechanism so you don’t get hurt but once you get to know people it seems you aren’t afraid to bend your original judgement to mold the truth you’ve uncovered. it’s a noble trait that i’ve held as my best quality for years and “you and i” both know that however we were cut and/or by whomever we were cut, the mother cloth from which we came from was the same. i sing this song for you because you are a part of me that can’t be identified, our relationship is something that can’t be explained with the common perception of reason but only by those who possess the inate goodness in which we both believe comes as first instinct for the human race. because of the way shit is these days people like us may never get the chance to play the hand we deserve but it brings a smile to my face just knowing that we’ve found each other in this mess.
you are my friend despite how hard it is to stomach her
i care about you all so much it’s fucked
i know i may seem intense but it’s just a front
you saw me through even though i’m easy to ignore
i know that i can be too much at times
but that’s just because i want inside your mind
they all say i’m sick but i can’t get enough
my friends all say i’m sick but i can’t get enough
you are my lungs even though you aren’t
you are my lungs, give me your ears and i’m gone
some birds won’t sing for you and i.
best post: i bet you had no idea how much those conversations meant to me, likely because i never told you. to be fair, a lot of it didn’t sink in until well after i was gone. for 5 years i worked a 16 hour shift every saturday and i looked forward to it. one day a week that shithole was run the way it should be and it created an environment where real people could thrive. in the grand scheme i guess we were just helping some of the dirtiest people we’ve ever met keep their ignorant lives secure but we definitely got the most out of it. it was obvious we held many of the same insecurities and that definitely helped you understand my situation as every single piece of advice you ever gave me still rings true. i never got to give you the comfort and support you deserved because you were always so focused on setting my mind right. if there is anyone in this world who was slighted it was you my friend. to think that some of the most rotten people this fucked up world has to offer get to live the way they do for doing what they do makes me sick. these are the same people who spoke of you as a problem and not a gift from the hands of creation itself. i could never thank you enough for taking me for who i am and i just want you to know that as those who cracked the whip surely live the same soulless lives, snorting the white man’s drug of choice up their piggy corporate noses, just waiting for their wives to leave them for someone real, i am a far better man than i’ve ever dreamed and i owe you at least this piece of my heart via my lungs. i can’t get the stimulation of connection which i need through a 2 year contract no matter how many anytime minutes they throw at me, and when i’m longing for comfort on the road i think about the loving support that was waiting for me every weekend. most of us need nothing short of everything just to get up in the morning but some of us just need a friend to tell us that everything’s going to be alright and no matter what, be yourself. you were the first thing in my life i never took for granted and i miss you so much.
if you can hear me now i hope you feeling fine
you really helped push me to be myself
and i hope that you enjoyed saturday’s for as long as tom and i
i think about it almost every weekend
everybody knows it’s a lonely world for some
i don’t care about anyone or anything
except the things and ones who care for me
i made a choice last year to live straight from the heart
there’s no turning back, i’ve learned to love the life i live
you girls made the most of me and i can’t thank you enough
i hope my sense of humor wasn’t too much
it’s hard being alone and it’s hard living through a phone
when time is the only road home and you and i both want to know we’re ok.
hi friend: i can’t remember a time in my life where you weren’t your own man. while the rest of us were children playing the game of life, you were years beyond. we learned how to write songs together, we loved real music, and always found a reason to tear apart anything everyone else was doing. i live my life now chasing every night we spent in your basement looking for a reason to believe that other people in this world had figured shit out the same way we did, though we knew it wasn’t likely. most kids have some fun but make sure to think about what they are going to do when they grow up, instead we thought about what we weren’t going to do. during the week i would put on the high school suit and do what i thought i had to, but you refused. it’s funny how we can talk about this now and you think it’s cool how i played it while i think your style was absolutely next level. every time i write a song i ask myself, would we have felt this? we aren’t getting any younger that’s for sure but i know that eventually we will be writing music together again. i can’t wait until you come home, see you soon.
you’re on my favorite list
it’s been too long, how’s things? the kids are getting old eh?
you are the reason i’m alive, please tell me i’m alive…
long time good friend, no joke
we’ve spent years far from fear and asking where will we be
you are the song that i try and sing, please tell me i can sing…
and i thank you from the bottom of my heart
you know i can still smell the way your basement smells
and if you ever think of coming home, i’d love to quit the world and get old.
realest world: it’s hard to stomach the fact that the monsters who overthrew this country are benefiting from my existence. what’s worse is realizing that this might be the best option because everyone seems to have sold their identity for a little soviet style security painted red, white, and blue. having trouble swallowing that shit? well, that’s because you’re a fucking idiot and now i have no choice but to just try and squeak out a semi enjoyable existence within the concentration camp that is currently undergoing global expansion at the hands of the working class. if i am going to have to keep my mouth shut for the rest of my life, i am at least going to scream in your ear a little bit while i have the chance. you’re living easy on the money we’re making for you, and chances are you’ve never worked a day in your life and everything that you own was handed to you. i just want you to know that i am not where i am in life because i want to be but because you’ve made it so i have to be. the cat is out of the bag and this life is nothing but a slow roll benefiting the house only. if you don’t see this by now you honestly deserve the depression that will knock your teeth out when you look back on your life from your lonely sty. luckily, i’ve found a couple of good friends who help me cope and i can honestly say that i’ve never been effected by marketing or popular opinion. i may not be able to change the world but at least i’ve found a way to shut you out, so please collect your shit and bust because you’re not welcome here anymore.
we’re pushing the lie for tomorrow at best and heavens a joke again
but i’m thinking we’re better this way
if they only knew their heads would explode
and we’re the ones cleaning the floor
i’d rather be the one holding the door, it’s been nice to know you
we’re pushing the lie for tomorrow at best and heaven’s what it’s always been
but i’m thinking we’re better this way
if they only knew their heads would explode
and we’re the ones closing the store
i’d rather be the one smashing the door, it’s been nice to know you
since i don’t know when i’ve been trying to lose
it’s a game for the slow but now i’m slower than you
try sell me a broken hand
try and make me a better man daddy, please.
i give you my heart and you threw it away.
doggie: the upside to having to leave everything you love behind just to be your own man is that being away really makes you appreciate the things you take for granted when you’re home. when i’m away something as little as a clean pot to boil pasta or a hot shower are worth more than most could ever imagine, let alone when you get real lucky and stumble upon someone with cable or a spice rack. it’s shit like this that makes me realize how lucky i am to have what i have and to live the life that i live. i check the date on my phone every night before i go to bed and count the days until i get to see your face watching and waiting for me to wake up every single morning. it’s easy to lose track when you’re on the go and especially when you’re looking up the mountain ahead of you, but your unconditional love and companionship is all i need to keep kicking and screaming at this ugly world. sometimes it takes a little separation to put my purpose into perspective but i know that i live to provide you with what i think would be your ideal existence. if i can watch and feel you run and play, eat way too fast, sleep sound, be a grump when i’m being selfish and want your attention, and get super excited every time i come home than i know that i’m really living.
i’ll be ok as long as your sleeping right here by my side
i know in your head you’re just waiting for me to get up
i live for you.
clean pigs: as long as you are ok with people making far too much money for what they do or don’t because “it’s not their fault”, i feel like you have no right to complain about anything. i’m by no means saying that anyone has any right to take something from someone else even though they only “earned” it at the expense of fucking over the overwhelming majority of the working class but it’s time to swallow your pride, stomach the truth, and let the world know that you know that you’ve been getting shit on. it’s obvious our society is set up to reward people who work certain occupations with the unconditional love and respect of the public, or at least the love and respect of those too stupid to think for themselves. sorry, but to think that if the working man gets caught with a joint he may lose his job thus causing his family unnecessary struggle and a law enforcement officer can beat his wife or an innocent young man minding his own walking with his attractive girlfriend and keep his job is nothing short of criminal. as long as you’re cool with the institutions whom big money uses to engrain the moral structure that their political puppets will hold into the working class to attract votes (that don’t really count anyway, but that’s another story all together) because you think “they aren’t bothering anyone”, i feel like you have no right to complain about anything. do not assume that i’m slamming religion here because if you share the faith of said institutions i think your participation is a beautiful thing. who am i to say what practice is right or wrong? this is america and our ability to find ourselves is the backbone of this nation. all i’m getting at is that the people’s pursuit of happiness is seriously being infringed upon by the rich and their pursuit of exhausting profits, and if you’re one of those “it’s just what you do” type of guys you are making matters far worse. i’m simply trying to point out that those of you who blindly support these institutions while admitting that you don’t share the beliefs are doing serious damage to the ones you love simply by showing up and going through the motions. the system wants you in the door because the more packed the house, the easier it is for them to prey upon the church’s defenseless followers. since i let go of religion i’ve felt that the most disrespectful thing a person can do towards the religious is to pretend to align yourself with something and then go home and talk about how it’s bullshit, not to mention if there is a god he probably knows exactly how you feel. so keep showing up thinking you aren’t doing any damage but someday you will see that you’re just chumming the waters for this world’s most ferocious predators. don’t think for a fucking second that i’m advocating boycotting funerals or shit like that, if it’s important to someone you love that you participate than you should be there always. it’s just time that those of us playing a part start to pick and choose when is the right time and when it’s pointless, because a lot of people cutting out a lot of pointless trips makes religion look a lot less appetizing to big business. as long as you are ok with corporations controlling every single market we depend on, i feel like you have no right to complain about anything. listen, i’m fucking poor. i make less per year currently than i did when i was 15 and i absolutely cannot afford to live, so if you have to shop at the cheapest possible outlet do so but know where you’re spending your money and let people know that you aren’t shopping there because you want to but because you have to. remember, like the zapatista idea states “the important thing is the spectacle that you make out of an event in the media, as opposed to the event itself.” so for the rest of you, go live your pretty life, tell all your friends how wonderful it is on facebook, and while you’re at it take a few pictures of you and your favorite alcoholic beverage for your default pic to prove this “american dream” is all it’s cracked up to be, but when you sleep remember that everything i’ve just mentioned is running through your head not because i’m some sort of prophet but because it’s common sense. it took me a while to see that a clean pig is still a pig and no matter how hard shit gets at least i know that selling my soul is not an acceptable definition of success, i’m not like you.
i’ll be sleeping at your front door no matter where you’re from
living slower than secure because a house is not a home
it’s who’s better than me and who’s selling who
you’re better than me but i’m fucking you
you begged me for my eyes and made this collect call for years
i’d trade you this skull for legs so i could outrun my brain
i swear it’s every time i’m done, it’s every time i wake
it’s every time i think i’ve taken all there is to take
there’s gotta be an out, i’ve gotta find a friend
i’ve got to feed this cold world’s heart again.
swine club: the very first time i stepped onto that bus i knew something was wrong. i always had trouble finding a group to fall in with, and with that being the primary concern of our society i wasn’t often regarded as one of the more intelligent children in class. in fact, my early school life is filled with tales of teachers telling my father that i was retarded and i needed to be put on medication to get by. i’m forever grateful for my father’s reluctance to drug me, and being able to indulge in the glorious tales of my father losing his mind on some school worker until they’ve been reduced to tears is just an added bonus. i remember one morning in second grade coming into school and being redirected to a new class as soon as i entered the building, it wasn’t until i was 24 or so until i learned why my class had even been changed in the first place. when i was in 3rd grade i was cleaning out my desk before april vacation and i filled my backpack with trash. i dumped that shit when i got home but a couple pieces of trash fell behind the barrel, i obviously ignored it but my father and his brother noticed it that night. one of the pieces of trash was an old valentines day card from a girl in my class. no big deal really, as we were obligated to give a valentines day card to everyone and this one just got pushed to the back of my desk and being a lazy, fat, shit i didn’t clean my desk often but my father and my uncles destroyed me. they teased me for years about how this particular girl was my girlfriend and i obviously hated her for no reason so i was furious. they got my whole family on board at one point and tricked my poor grandmother into thinking she really was my girlfriend and she would defend me for having a girlfriend which pissed me the off even more. all that being said, at this age i thought an appropriate counter for this abuse was to tell everyone i came into contact with for the next year or so that “i was a gaylord.” family, friends, teachers, waiters, police officers, whoever… i didn’t give a fuck. the only reason i bring this story up is because even early on i was out of step with those around me of similar age. not only was my sense of humor years beyond but at an age where the thought of having girlfriend repulsed me, i was still realistic enough to see that being gay wasn’t a big deal. needless to say, school never interested me much. my anxiety has always been through the roof so while reasonable in most respects, i still always had an addiction to catholicism. as i child i was scarred of everything, my parents tell me about how i would cry every time i drove past a carnival because i was afraid of the lights so i’m not surprised it took me so long to examine my life… enter buddhism, philosophy, and hardcore. i don’t need to do much explaining here and the story is not nearly as entertaining as my childhood so i’ll save you the obvious. there is no doubt that rock and roll saved my life at an early age, but if i am to accept that as truth i can’t deny that hardcore saved my life again in my 20’s. for this reason i play games with my lyrics, hiding shit for those who like to live it. for example: “it’s a language of love, through hate you could never understand it all.” the line reads clearly as is but if you bump that comma over two words it will read completely different as it is directed at another specific group of people while meaning the same thing, and hardcore only hates because it loves so much (it’s a language of love through hate, you could never understand it all). if you’re surprised that i turned out the way i did, remember i was raised on rock and roll and horror movies… my sister and i were honestly the luckiest children on the planet. please don’t get any crazy ideas about this shit as all i’m trying to do is write a good, honest, rock and roll record the only way i know how. rock and roll used to be the peoples direct line to the rest of the country, the government, and the rest of the world for that matter so the direction of this record seems far from revolutionary to me, it just seemed like the appropriate time for me to document my soul. the line has obviously been cut and/or bought depending on which way you look at it and what used to be the people’s voice is now anything but. most people don’t even meet the definition of a human as a human is generally regarded as “a rational animal.” so in the end where does following my heart in this day and age get me? it gets me smoking in my dads basement, unemployed, asking “what should we do now?” there is no place in the world that i’d rather be. to the dudes who stole the money that was stolen from me in the first place, the check is in the mail and if this is the last thing i ever write i just want you all to know that i really miss rock and roll, stop fucking it up.
i lost my heart learning to read
and found some faith for reason i couldn’t see
you know i’m a mess, it’s entirely true
you know i’m a mess, but it’s the best i can do
i lost my voice learning to speak
it’s language of love, through hate you could never understand it all
you know i’m a mess, it’s entirely true
you know i’m a mess, but it’s the best i can do
i’m coming over because nothing to do
i’ve been down before but i’d rather be there with you
lets smoke our brains into steady stew of “what should we do now?”